Throwing health concerns to the wind, regional editor of Midlands Newsquest Peter John said: 'This is a great chance for Reporter readers to remember just how good Tesco's doughnuts are.
'People seem to have got out of the habit of buying their weekly doughnuts, even though they are still super-tempting and sweet as ever. It could be the internet that's hitting sales. We hope with a little help from the Reporter's increasing number of readers, that the Tesco doughnut line will be able to get back on its feet. It would be a tragedy to lose this traditional doughy favourite.
Mr John added, 'Go on. You know you love them!
Doughnut sales have been falling steadily according to Retail Price Monthly. Health concerns, changing habits and a general belief in the truth is thought to lie behind the decline, according to experts.
Editors' note: this piece contains flagrant disinformation, made-up comments and a heavily slanted presentation of the facts. Believe nothing you read.